&Fei Hon
23041994 -.-
1Jellybean'07/2Jellybean'08
RiverValleyConcertBand - Trombones
& He will stay by her side forever

Two parallel lines. Will they ever meet?

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+ 幸福回到身边

RVHS

Alfino
Kimyee
Yuning
Huang Ching
Eugene
Jun Jie
Cari
Felicia
Hsiao Tien
Xiu Han

1Jellybean'07
2JellyBean'08

「知っている？」
「桜の花のおちるスビード。」
Do you know the speed at which cherry blossoms fall?

Monday, March 31, 2008

The autumn leaves rustled.
They had fallen.
They can never turn green again.
Just like how I couldn't retrieve those precious memories of you.

It's really a blessing to see you smile. People might not notice, but your smile is really charming.

I am freezing in this darkness of melancholy.

Depart when the lines are still together, for the future might bring about eternal separation, resulting two forever parallel lines.

Walking alone,
the shadow is my only partner.
Walking in the beautiful, comfortable winds,
sadness still lay in my heart.
Nobody can ever feel the vast emptiness...

Tiredness is overwhelming me. Keep the last bit of me burning, and let the weakest flame continue to glow and provide the warmth and light.

Maybe it's good. I start to enjoy natural, relaxed conversations with you. Jokes and all sorts of things really made me felt light and happy. Sometimes, I guess it's really better when two persons get further from that invisible boundary, yet keeping sight of each other.

Appreciate the silence, so that we can be true to ourself and not get affected by words.
Treasure the distance, because the beauty of love might fade when we get closer.
Sometimes, we are fortunate to have silence and distance between and within us.

Merciless cold winds strike the core of my heart, leaving me weak and fragile against all odds.

The rain just got bigger and bigger,
but it can't wash away the deepest emotions.

As I walked down the corridor of time, every door unfolded and revealed itself.
I anticipate the very moment when I turn each and every door knob.
But you weren't there.
Nevertheless, please let the corridor go on forever. One more time, one more chance.

在绵绵细雨中，我们牵着手，一起回家。
和往常一样，我们都会到那个无人的巴士站，
倾诉我们的心事。
你的侧面，永远都是那么美，那么可爱。
我真的希望，巴士不会那么早到，
让时间停留在这一刻，让我好好珍藏这一段回忆。
不要放手，不要离开，
我只希望，纯朴的爱会永远存在。

"Whatever you treasure must be held in the hollow of your hand as water is held.
Clutch at it and it is gone."-----------Anthony de Mello, S.J. 1996

走在张灯结彩‘、人山人海的街道上，
我的心却还是个被黑暗掩盖的死城。
戴上耳机，听着那永远跟不上的旋律，
我听不到自己的哭泣声，
但我却感觉到眼眶湿湿的。

人不断的来来往往，
虽然你的脸孔不会出现，
但我依然会傻傻地等待。
请告诉我，时间的终点在哪里？
幸福的尽头在哪里？
什么是永远？
什么是爱情？

叶子和树，
度过了甜蜜的春天、
炎热的夏天，
但到了秋天还是要分离，
然后独自承受冬天的痛苦。
也许，这就是爱情......
在一起的，必定被缘分拆散......

拥抱只是瞬间，
失去是永远的。
放手也许是一种解脱，
让分开没有那么痛。
空虚、伤心
全是因为你的离开......

No matter how hard I try to keep this pile of sand on my palm, it will still leave through these imperfect gaps between my fingers.

Happiness might only be pretense. What I could feel is only the numbness of my heart. I think I have lost my senses. I don't know why. I'm just so hurt and injured.

I think I understand
Letting go is a process that I will have to face
It's just a matter of time I guess

Weary, tired, sick
agony, pain, sadness
lightness, joy, happiness

Love brings all these things. It's just full of contradiction.


Trying to eat slowly and drag time, all I could do while sitting beside you was to admire you from far. The feeling doesn't change. Close but far. Near but distant. Together but apart.

When there are happy news,
you're always the first person I want to share with.
When the load gets heavier and heavier,
you're always the first person that I wish to talk to.

How I wished that I have walked over to talk to you...

Not far away, I was trying to learn a simple melody on the piano. It is a simple yet beautiful song that has the power to touch people's hearts. Four benches back, you were there, busy with some work. Did you see me?

Love provides fuel and passion for life, but it wears people out at the same time.

Sometimes, I am just so tired. But happiness always envelope me when I'm with you. You just have that amazing charm that would light up my day.

We were left alone, sitting by each other's side.
But you looked into the distant,
As if searching for something.
I tried to talk to you,
But became speechless after a few silly questions
Looking at you eating small bits of hashbrown,
I was really happy.
Just by my side, you were poking small little leftover bits with a fork.
It was childish but really cute.

You know how I feel, isn't it? The distance between us...
Sitting right beside you, do I really exist in your heart?

As my heart gets drowned my sorrows
I am still longing for tomorrow
When I can see you again.

Eagerness and reluctance,
How to approach you?

I have never realised how beautiful is the night sky,
until yesterday's night when the stars rejoiced with the moon.

Looking deep into your eyes,
I don't see a single part of me.
Standing right by your side
Sitting right beside you
I could only pass you a pen,
Or give you a piece of tissue.
I really don't know how to say,
But my heart aches.

Isolation and despair lingered in thin air,
while guilty and suffering enveloped our hearts.
Why does love hurt so much?
Why is it so painful?

"Love is about putting apart of yourself in someone else's hands. That's why it hurts so much."--Nut

Space, Distance, Time
Hover between two person's love
And drag them further and further apart.
Their tears tried to wash away their love,
But the feeling just won't faint.

Give me strength and courage, because I'm going to perish in the hands of darkness.
Give me oxygen, for I'm soon dying of suffocation.

As balloons of hopes burst one by one, I don't know if I should let go these balloons that are still in my hand...

As I'm typing this post, my emotions are really mixed. I have a lot of things to tell you. But I just couldn't express them in words. They lie deep within my heart. It's like how a simple melody touches my heart and penetrates the toughest shield of my soul.

Don't feel guilty. Don't feel pressurize. Don't bear the pain alone. Believe me, no matter what that happens, I will still wait for you.

让爱倒带，让粉碎的回忆给我一丝温暖......
幸福就像在手心里的沙, 怎么抓也抓不住......

I know the concert is starting soon. You might be feeling excited or nervous. But no matter what, just go on stage and give your best. Your voice will forever be the sweetest in the world.

Although I'm not there to watch your concert tonight, I will be right here, giving you all my support. Sitting alone in my room, I can see you on stage and singing in my heart. I know that you'll do fine.

The sky's tears fell continuously today. I really missed you. Every small little raindrop had made me thought of you. You might not know this, but it's amazing how much joy and happiness you can bring to me when you're around. Without you, I often felt cold and lonely.

Now, you might already be on stage and singing that beautiful japanese melody. From here, I can see the elegant you singing that wonderful piece of music. Stay confident, don't hold back, for I'm here supporting you in whatever you do.

Four rows back from the stage, did you see me?

I know that I might not even exist in your world, but can I even be given the chance to try and enter your world? Can heavens grant me a chance to care and love you?

Throughout the whole concert, I had been anticipating the moment when you would come on stage. Although I could only see you for that short little while, I was really happy. The feeling just cannot be explained. You were really beautiful tonight, and you outshone every other girl in the whole world. How I really wished that the few songs you had sung would never end.

Every small step I took towards the exit of the theatre was hard and difficult. I just didn't want to leave. I tried to see if you had looked back at me when you left. But it was bitter and hurting. I turned away and headed into the darkness which would devour me.

Two paper swans sit side by side,
that's how my heart is deep inside.

Tomorrow's your concert. Though you might not be able to see me, please remember that I am watching and listening to your performance. I will just be right beside you, giving all the support that you need.

If I could, I would really go and watch your concert on the second night as well. But should I? I can sense that you're often unnatural when I'm around you. I know that you are pressurized and feel guilt. I'm sorry if I'm too close. I just wanted you to know that I care about you.

I enrolled in a music theory grade 1 course today. I'll be starting lesson next Sunday. I am looking forward to it, yet being held back a little. All I wanted was a word of support from you. Just a "jiayous" from you worth more than any gold on earth.

Typing this post to end my day,
as cold bed waits for me to lay.
Will autumn leaves ever decay?
Will winter snow freeze this play?

You'll not know,
tears fall onto my keyboard when I am typing this post...

The song playing now reminded me of you over and over again. It brought flashbacks of precious moments with both happiness and sadness. There were many times when I tried to talk to you, but every step I took was just too heavy.

"If I had only 45 seconds to live, I would do nothing but to listen to this song." I had just read this comment to this song on the internet. I was deeply touched by it. It's really simple but beautiful. This simple rhythm with a couple of notes is able to unfold a sad and beautiful story about distance between two lovers.

But if I had only 45 seconds to live, I would say "I Love You" secretly in my heart and leave without you knowing...

Here I am, rowing a wooden boat in this winding river of love...

We were at the same table today, but did we even talk at all?

Love is too large. No matter how much happiness it contained, it would still be empty.
Love is too small. Just an extra person that comes between 2 loving souls will cause suffocation and pain to each another.

There are always handles around us that can prevent us from falling too deep in love. But we couldn't hold on to them, because they are fated to break and make you fall from a higher spot, experiencing a greater pain...

Do you know how much you meant to me? Day by day, life gets wearier and sicker. The flickering flame in my soul becomes weaker every moment, hinting its arrival of its end. Pain and agony was not a dagger that sheathed my chest, but was a poison needle that pierced my flesh. It hurt so deep internally that no man would be able to see.

A great repulsion pushed us in opposite ways. An incredible forcefield separated us and prevented me from coming to you. We could often see and talk to each other, but how often can we speak from the bottom of our hearts? We are so close, yet so far. We were not even a metre away from each other today, but our hearts were miles apart.

I know that you might not be ready to accept. But I just want you to know that I will always be a reliable shoulder for you to lean on. Whether you need to share your joy or cry your sorrows, I will be right here by your side.

Trying to see you though it's impossible...
But the 5 seconds we met was still a treasure to bury in my heart...

I will accompany you to the end of time,
to hear that peaceful sounding chime.
As threads of love twist and twine,
fate will make the lovely sign.

Doors of heaven open wide,
for loving souls to stay side by side.
When the sea and ocean have no tides,
the day of death and life has just arrived.

Under that loving curse
we'll meet in a new universe
where there's nobody who will die of thirst.

Every time I see you, everything around me freezes. All I can see in my eyes is you, for your existence on earth is like an outstanding rose in a big grass field. I called your name when you were in front of me. But you didn't hear me. Then, you went to the table that you usually sat. I admired you from miles away, going a step closer to you each time, yet a step back when I didn't want to let go of this happiness. When I just couldn't win the struggle within me, I turned away. It might be conicidence that we went into each other several moments later. I was enlightened, but huge sense of regret flooded my heart when I was such a fool, after saying just a word "Hello." to you.

Under those little raindrops, we met again. You were sitting alone at that little step, looking into the partially blue sky. I held my plate of rice in my hands, and settled myself just beside you, trying to understand your emotions as well. I wished that you could have stayed longer but it was just moments later that you told me that you needed to leave and head for the music room.

Every day I am in this vast sea of people, searching for you that matters so much in my heart...

我也许在背着像几斤石头重的书包，拖着沉重的脚步，但你的出现总会让我忘记一切烦恼，并使我对生命改观，轻轻松松地享受生活的美好。开朗的你总会戴上那灿烂的笑容，让人的心也随着开心快乐起来。

今天，我们似乎没有那么冷淡，谈天时也有说有笑，就像两个朋友一样。你温柔可爱的语气是多么的甜蜜、动听。但不知为什么，我们彼此之间还是隔了一道看不清、摸不着的墙。我们之间真的有缘分的存在吗？难道我们这辈子都是两条不可能相遇的直线吗？还是我一厢情愿呢？如果是的话，我真的不想听到答案，因为在你身旁默默地等待也许会使我更好过。也许和你共处的时光总是那么的短暂，但我依然感觉到那说不出口的幸福。

Bitter sad songs that played from the radio,
brought despair that nailed a painful soul.
As the violin strings snapped after each broken note,
faith-departed melodies rose from thou piano.

Elegant blood that stained the concerto
was angry fate who slain a Romeo
Dagger which lived in agony
stabbed Juliet in her fair beauty.

The coffin of life hereby waits for me
until I am ready to be free.
All I need is some suicidal thoughts
because the world of Hades is a weaponry
that can be opened with a guilty key.

今天下雨了。我戴上耳机，听着那悲伤的旋律，不禁流下了那滴咸咸的眼泪。我对你的感觉，你感觉不到吗？难道你真的不知道我就在你身旁，默默地守候吗？我给你的爱，是纯粹你想的 “不好意思” 吗？为什么你对我说话时，总要背向我，看着别的地方呢？那些你亲手做的cupcake是多么的甜蜜、美味，但当我在你面前说句 “谢谢” 时，你却显得那么不自在......你知道吗?我对你的爱是真心的, 也许你不会相信, 但我一定会证明给你看。

就算到了天涯海角，时间依然会伴随着我们，直到永世。

Menacing daggers penetrate through the toughest soul
whilst deadly reality poisons the weakest foe.
Autumn breeze kissed goodbye to green leaves
that turned yellow under the devil's teeth.

Bright darkness that blinded my heart
said that Cupid had just played a card.
It was a happy joker that laughed at my pain
and held a sword that I was slain.

Merciful winds blew me to the grave
where mists had infiltrated the peaceful cave.
Putting some dry grass around the stone,
I checked to make sure that I'm alone.
That little matchstick shalt not see
how I had drowned myself in this fire sea.

As usual, morning kisses the clouds and vow their love for each other by the hidden sun. Rain falls as their happiness and wash away those sad tears of dew.

0216. A number that's way perfect for me. This four numbers appeared on that ticket. It brought me more joy than winning a lottery. This number might be telling the fate between us. It's a perfect perfect cube that its surface area and volume is exactly the same. Like the cube, you are the only perfect one in this world that can change and motivate me. 0216 can only be in your small, lovely hands.

星期六是寂莫的，因为那可爱的脸孔不会出现，但我会透过我的心来想念你。
就算到了时间的尽头，我还是会等着你，让你永远幸福快乐。

Sinful jet planes have roared and zoomed past my windows. The world is not peaceful and it's full of civil blood. But even if the glass becomes weapons that slay me in its bloody hands, my soul forever stays with you, for I will love and wait for you to the end of time.